"What I wish my first boss had known"

In my first tech job, I really struggled to ask questions.

My boss had been writing code for 16 years. I’d only just started.

He made it clear that I could and should ask things, but that didn’t mean I knew how.

Sometimes I didn’t understand what I’d been asked to do.
Other times, I didn’t even know what I didn’t know.

So I’d sit in silence, thinking things through for what felt like ages.
Trying to get unstuck.
Trying to figure out what question might make me sound like I wasn’t completely out of my depth.

There’s that old quote:

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.”

I wouldn’t have said it out loud, but that’s exactly how I felt.

Eventually I’d figure things out. But it was slow, exhausting, and isolating.

Looking back now, here’s what I wish he’d done:

Ask me what part I was unsure about, not just if I had questions.
Normalise not knowing.
Check in before the silence got long.

He meant well.
But like a lot of experienced engineers, he’d forgotten what it feels like to be at the very start of the curve.

If you’re leading or mentoring someone early in their career, this is the work:

Not just making space for questions, but helping people find their voice inside it.

Until next time,
Dermot
The Messy Middle

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