"A tool for when you want to get it right and say it right"
You’ve probably seen versions of this advice: Use this formula when giving feedback. Start with what you observed. Share how it made you feel. Explain why it matters. Make a request. It’s tidy. Respectful. Sensible. And… it can sound like a robot wrote it. I remember trying it once, following the pattern exactly. The other person nodded politely but looked confused, like I was about to deliver bad news in corporate HR-speak. That’s the tension with frameworks like Nonviolent Communication (NVC). They’re incredibly useful, but not if we treat them like scripts. The real power of NVC isn’t in the words. It’s in what it helps you notice. That when you lead with observation instead of judgment, people stay open. That when you own your interpretation, people don’t feel accused. That when you frame feedback as a conversation, not a verdict, trust grows. You don’t have to follow a formula. But it helps to understand what the formula is protecting you from: speaking in assumptions rather than observations, sounding like you’re certain when you’re really interpreting, making your feedback about their character instead of the work. The NVC shape — observation, feeling, need, request — is just a guide. The point isn’t to say it perfectly. It’s to stay in relationship while saying what needs to be said. Until next time, ✉️ Enjoying The Messy Middle? If someone sent this email your way and you’d like to get it direct, you can sign up here. |