"People should have thicker skin"

You’ve probably heard it, maybe even said it:

It sounds reasonable. Like a call for resilience. A reminder that feedback isn’t always comfortable — and that’s okay.

But here’s the thing I’ve seen again and again:

When someone gets defensive, we rarely look at our part in it.

We treat defensiveness as a character flaw, instead of a cue.
And once we label someone as “too sensitive,” we stop being curious.

We rarely ask: What was my responsibility in causing that reaction?

What did I say, or how did I say it, that might’ve triggered it?

We don’t have to take on someone else’s emotions.
But we do have a responsibility to understand our role in what just happened.

Because feedback isn’t just about what’s said.
It’s about what’s heard.
And the strongest teams I’ve worked with? They take that seriously.

They don’t coddle.
But they do take care.

Until next time,
Dermot
​The Messy Middle

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