"It’s never too late to own it"

We all make communication mistakes.

Sometimes we realise it in the moment.
Sometimes it hits us hours later, in the quiet, uncomfortable space of reflection.

During a standup, I watched a fellow developer make a common communication misstep. They said something that wasn’t clear. When someone asked for clarification, instead of rephrasing, they just repeated the same words, more slowly and deliberately.

It didn’t help. Others jumped in to clarify, and the moment passed.

After the standup, I tried to give feedback. I wanted to gently point out what had happened. But when they asked me what I meant… I did the exact same thing. I repeated myself, more slowly.
The same misstep.
Way to go Mr Communication Expert!

I ended the conversation quickly and walked away confused. Too late to fix it, I thought.

But later that day, I circled back to my fellow developer.
I owned my part. I named the irony. And to their credit, they met me with generosity. We were able to talk, not just about that moment, but about how easy it is for all of us to fall into those traps.

What I learned?

You won’t always get it right.
But you can always go back.
Not to rewrite the moment, but to rebuild the relationship.

Clear feedback doesn’t have to happen on time.
Sometimes, it just has to happen with care.

Until next time,
Dermot
​The Messy Middle

​

✉️ Enjoying The Messy Middle?​
If this sparked something useful, consider forwarding it to a colleague or friend, it might help them too.

If someone sent this email your way and you’d like to get it direct, you can sign up here.