"“I’m disappointed” isn’t feedback"

You’ve probably said it, or at least thought it.
A bug slipped through review, and a Team Lead catches it.
Later, they told me: “I told the team members involved that I’m disappointed it got through.”

I get it. I’ve felt that too, the quiet frustration, the creeping sense that maybe I have to check everything myself.
But here’s what I’ve come to realise:

It doesn’t invite reflection. It doesn’t help someone learn.
It just signals that they’ve let you down, and it quietly reinforces that you’re the safety net.
Think about it: nobody wants to disappoint the boss.
That’s extra pressure.
They might hesitate. Second-guess. Play it safe. Or wait for you to check it.

And here's the thing: the moment held a coaching opportunity, and it slipped by.

Instead of expressing disappointment, the Team Lead could’ve said:

That one sentence turns a mistake into a moment of growth.
It builds judgment through lived experience.
It reinforces capability, not dependence.

Because “I’m disappointed” leads to fear of making mistakes.
But “Have another look” invites curiosity — and builds confidence.

Until next time,
Dermot
​The Messy Middle

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