After realising I was suddenly expected to be the architect, the project manager, and the analyst… something else kicked in. Imposter syndrome.
I didn’t feel qualified to do any of those jobs.
But I didn’t want to let anyone down either. So I did what I thought was best: I got the team involved.
Or at least, a few people from the team who had some context.
We’d talk through the rough requirements, spot gaps, explore the unknowns. Then the team would go away, do some investigation, and come back with a first pass at an estimate. And no one seemed happy with it. Stakeholders wanted it faster, or smaller, or more certain.
So we’d do another round of thinking—“maybe we don’t need this part,” “maybe there’s a workaround”—and I’d show up at the next meeting to help explain the new numbers, still unsure whether I was saying the right things. It was all way outside my comfort zone.
I didn’t feel in control.
But I also didn’t want to say “I don’t know.” I look back at that version of me with compassion. I was doing my best with what I had.
But I was missing something crucial: a process.
A shared, intentional way of shaping work—so I didn’t have to carry the whole mess in my head. That came later.
But I had to live the muddle before I could name the pattern. Until next time,
Dermot
The Messy Middle ✉️ Enjoying The Messy Middle?
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