"What Power Feels Like (When You Don’t Have It)"

Have you ever sat in a meeting and said nothing, not because you didn’t care, but because you weren’t sure it was worth it?

You had a question, a hesitation, a better idea maybe. But something held you back.
Not fear, exactly. Just a quiet calculation:

“Will this change anything? Or will it cost me something?”

That’s the power dynamic. Not as an abstract concept, but as a felt reality.

A few years ago, I worked with a team where the senior leaders constantly said:

“We want to hear from everyone.”
“There are no bad ideas.”
“Push back if something doesn’t make sense.”

And yet… most people didn’t. Not in meetings. Not in retros. Not in roadmap reviews.

Leadership interpreted the silence as buy-in. But privately, people told a different story:

  • “I’ve seen what happens when someone disagrees.”
  • “My last idea got picked apart, why bother?”
  • “They’ve already made up their minds.”

And it hit me: the leaders weren’t lying.
They genuinely believed they were being open, inclusive, collaborative.
But the power dynamic was louder than their intentions.

Here’s the thing no one tells you when you step into a senior role:

The moment you have power, you stop feeling it the way others do.​
And if you’re not careful, you forget what it’s like to be on the other side of it.

Because power isn’t just who signs off. It’s who:

  • Speaks without interruption
  • Gets the benefit of the doubt
  • Has their half-formed ideas explored, not dismissed
  • Can challenge without fear

Most people don’t think in terms of “formal authority.”
They just notice who gets heard, and what happens when they speak.

The takeaway?

If you want psychological safety, don’t just invite input.
Lower the cost of speaking.

  • Praise questions, not just answers.
  • Let someone change your mind, and say so when they do.
  • Give credit to the idea that wasn’t yours.
  • Remember how it felt when you weren’t the most senior person in the room.

Because the most inclusive leaders aren’t the ones who say they want input.
They’re the ones who remember what it takes to give it.

Until next time,
Dermot
​The Messy Middle

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