"When questions close instead of open"

Ever been in a meeting where a question wasn’t really a question?

I remember one where a project manager kicked things off with:
​“I’m interested in how people think the process is going so far.”

On the surface, it sounded curious.
But the room went quiet. Everyone was on guard.

Why? Because it felt like the conclusion had already been made, that the PM had decided the process wasn’t working and was really looking for people to validate that. Answering became risky. Better to stay silent than to contradict.

The whole exercise became collaboration theatre. A performance of listening without the reality of dialogue.

Here’s the tricky part: curiosity isn’t about the wording of the question. It’s about intent. People can sense when the answer is already loaded.

If the PM had been upfront, it could have been different:
​“I’ve been feeling the process isn’t working as smoothly as it could. Before I suggest changes, I’d like to hear how you’re experiencing it.”

That’s not theatre. That’s honest. And honesty creates space for real conversation.

If you’ve already got a perspective, name it first. A “curious” question that hides a conclusion only closes things down. But transparency, even about your bias, opens the door for others to walk through.

Until next time,
Dermot
The Messy Middle.

​

✉️ Enjoying The Messy Middle?​
If this sparked something useful, consider forwarding it to a colleague or friend, it might help them too.

If someone sent this email your way and you’d like to get it direct, you can sign up here.