Software is a creative process.
And creativity means disagreement, over design, trade-offs, and what “good” looks like. You can’t have learning without conflict, just as you can’t have courage without fear.
A psychopath can’t be courageous — they don’t feel fear, so there’s nothing to overcome.
The same is true for teams: without some tension, there’s nothing to learn from. But not all conflict is healthy.
Conflict turns unhealthy fast when people start to take it personally, when “I disagree” becomes “You’re wrong,” and winning the argument feels like protecting a piece of yourself. So it’s worth watching for signs that conflict has disappeared or become dangerous: - Decisions are too polite. Everyone agrees quickly, then quietly does their own thing.
- Pull requests get rubber-stamped. Feedback is minimal, real discussion happens in DMs.
- Meetings feel calm, but flat. No tension, no challenge, no spark.
Healthy conflict lives in between those extremes, not silence, not shouting.
It needs two things: safety and curiosity.
Safety to say what you think, and curiosity to stay in the conversation when it gets uncomfortable. Because that’s where learning lives, in the space between I’m right and tell me more. Until next time,
Dermot
The Messy Middle ✉️ Enjoying The Messy Middle?
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