"A note to self about staying in conflict"

After writing about staying in the discomfort of conflict, I realised I should add something.

I’m not perfect at this.
Not even close.

There are plenty of times I don’t stay in the conflict.
I avoid it.
I tell myself it’ll smooth over, or that it’s not worth the energy right now.

But it never really disappears, does it?
Avoided conflict just changes shape, it shows up later as resentment, distance, or those quiet little “us vs them” stories that start to form in teams.

So when I write about staying in the discomfort, I’m not giving advice from a place of mastery.
It’s a reminder to myself, to pause before I retreat, to breathe before I defend, to keep the conversation going a little longer than feels comfortable.

Because the moments I’ve stayed — even awkwardly, even imperfectly — have always led to better understanding.
And the moments I’ve walked away have always found their way back.

Until next time,
Dermot
​The Messy Middle

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