"When being right would have made me wrong"

I was discussing a process change with a Tech Lead once.
I’d suggested removing the code review step to save time, it could add 24 hours or more to delivery.

They paused, then said, “Does that really matter?”

I felt my temperature rise.
Of course it matters, I thought.

They went on to explain that when they led a team, they focused on keeping code review time down, intentionally.
I agreed there was merit in that. If the team could keep reviews short, the delay didn’t matter as much.
I also said that removing the step removed the need to manage it altogether.

It was a good discussion. But afterwards, I realised something.

During the discussion I knew the Tech Lead had answered their own question.
It did matter, enough for them to manage it intentionally.

For a moment, I wanted to point that out. To say, “You’ve just made my argument for me.”
But I didn’t.
Because being right would have made me wrong.

If I’d said it, it would have shifted the energy from shared thinking to personal defence.
They would’ve doubled down. The conversation would’ve closed.

Instead, by letting it go, we stayed connected, and kept thinking together.

That’s what I’ve learned about conflict.
The goal isn’t to win the point.
It’s to keep the conversation alive long enough to find the shared intent beneath it.

Until next time,
Dermot
​The Messy Middle

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