"Seeing what drives our impatience"

I’ve been thinking about what really happens in those moments when patience disappears.

When someone’s late again.
When a decision drags on longer than it should.
When a conversation loops back to the same point for the third time.

Impatience always feels justified in the moment, but it’s rarely just about the situation in front of us.

I’ve noticed that my own impatience often hides something deeper: a need for control, or certainty, or validation that I’m doing a good job.
When those needs aren’t met, frustration fills the space where understanding should be.

I've come to realise that self-understanding is essential for calm. Without it, our reactions become automatic, pulled by emotion rather than guided by intention.
Patience, then, isn’t just a social virtue; it’s a form of self-awareness.

The more I understand what triggers my impatience, the more choice I have in how to respond.
It doesn’t mean the irritation vanishes, but it doesn’t run the show anymore.

In leadership, this matters more than we admit.
People don’t just notice what we say, they feel how we are.
When we meet difficulty with presence instead of reactivity, it changes the whole atmosphere around us.

Happiness at work isn’t about removing stress or conflict; it’s about becoming steady enough inside ourselves to meet them wisely.
And that steadiness starts with seeing what’s really driving us.

Until next time,
Dermot
​The Messy Middle.

✉️ Enjoying The Messy Middle?​
If this sparked something useful, consider forwarding it to a colleague or friend, it might help them too.

If someone sent this email your way and you’d like to get it direct, you can sign up here.